Jun 29, 2016

What are you?

Found this one while at work, can't remember what I was looking for but as I thought of adding it, it sure reminded me that it's time to update me blog with new posts. So here goes...

At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.
After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doc interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. After the sex session, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands.

As she comes back the male doc says “I bet you are a surgeon.” She confirms and asks how he knew. “Easy, you’re always washing your hands.” “That’s very clever” she says, “I bet you’re an anesthesiologist”. “Wow, how did you guess?”

“I didn’t feel a thing.”

Jul 3, 2014

Here's one for the day...

A man went to the Police Station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife.

Husband - I lost my wife, she went shopping and hasn't come back yet.

Inspector - what is her height?

Husband - I never checked. Inspector :slim or healthy?

Husband - Not slim but maybe healthy.

Inspector - Color of eyes?

Husband - Never noticed.

Inspector - Color of hair?

Husband - Changes according to the season.

Inspector - what was she wearing?

Husband - Not sure whether it was a Dress or a Suit?

Inspector - was she driving?Husband:-Yes.

Inspector - Tell me the number, name and color of the car? . . . .

Husband - Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 liter V6 Engine generating 333 Horse Power teamed with an eight-speed Tiptronic Automatic Transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use Light Emitting Diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door.…

.....and then the husband started crying.

Inspector - Don't worry sir... we will find your car...

May 24, 2014

A Few Short Jokes!

Here are a few short jokes that'll hopefully make your day, night or evening... Enjoy...

1:     What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
        Outlaws are wanted.

2:     Coach: Okay class, today we are going to play a game.
        When I say a fruit, you run to the right side of the court. And when I say a color, you run to the left side of the court.
        Got it?
        Class: Got it.
        Coach: Okay… Ready, set… ORANGE!

3:    *Boy whispers to his Mom during a wedding*
        Boy: “Mommy?”
        Mom: “What?”
        Boy: “Why is the girl dressed in white?”
        Mom: “Because this is the happiest day of her life.”
        Boy: “… so why is the boy dressed in black?”

4:     I hate Russian dolls…so full of themselves

5:    I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.

6:     I just saw two elementary school kids having a fist fight.
        So as an adult I had to step in.
        They didn’t stand a chance...

7:     I was in in the public restroom
        I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall:

        "Hi, how are you?”
        Me: “Doing fine!”
        Stall: “So what are you up to?”
        Me: “Ummm, I’m like you, just sitting here.”
        Stall: “Can I come over?”
        Me: “No, Ugh... I’m a little busy right now!!”
        Stall: “Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!

8:    Husband (watching a video):
       Don’t do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don’t say yes.    No! No! NOOO!! Aww damn, he actually did it! What a dumb-ass!
       Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What are you watching?
       Husband: Our wedding ceremony.

Dec 11, 2013

Lets see a smile at least... Maybe a grin?

These are apparently some of the top jokes in the world according to the website I pulled them from... Here goes...

 1.     A woman gets on a bus with her baby. 
The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” 
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” 

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.” 

2.       Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. 
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. Gasping to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” 
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” 

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. 
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?

3.  A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. 

He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. 
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” 
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.” 

4.      When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C. 

The Russians used a pencil.

5.      A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.
“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.
The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”
“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”

The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.” 

6.  A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabbie, St. Peter invites him to pick up a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.

A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher's entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, "Okay, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."

The preacher is astonished and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie."

St. Peter responded: "This is heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed." 

May 22, 2012

One Liners!

One Liners!

I bet you I could stop gambling...

A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been mugged yet.

There are two rules for success:        1.) Don't tell all you know...

Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge. 

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. 

Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway. 

The statement following is true. The statement prior is false. 

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."

Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Sep 26, 2011

More Questions to Ponder

- Why do they put Braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines?

- Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

- If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, what happens?

- Why is it that when you transport something by car it's called a shipment, but when you transport it by ship, it's called cargo?

- Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have an "s" in it?

- Isn't is a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

- Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dish washing liquid contains real lemons?

- How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

- If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

- Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

- If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

- How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

- How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

- If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

- When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

- Why do you often see people ordering double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke?

- At ball games, why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there?

- Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

- Who do you save when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

- OK, so what's the speed of dark?

- If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?

- Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"?

- Do prison buses have emergency exits?

- Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

- What happens to an irresistible force when it hits an immovable object?

- Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?

- Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

- Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?

- How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?

The 3-Minute Timed Test

OK so this is a bit different. I want you to grab a notepad, or piece of paper and a pen for this one and go through questions 1 to 20...

Would be even better if you do this with a friend, maybe a race? Remember you only have 3 (THREE) minutes!

Here Goes...

1. Read everything before doing anything.
2. Put your name on the upper right-hand corner of the paper.
3. List three jobs that you would love to do.
4. List three things you would tell your employer about yourself.
5. Would you hire yourself? If so write: YES! YES! YES!
6. What number would come next?: 3,5,7,9,___
7. Write the number 7 next to the answer in question 6.
8. Write down the item that does not belong: pen, pencil or hat
9. Draw five small squares.
10. Put an "X" in each square
11. Draw a circle around each square
12. Multiply: 120 x 4
13. Loudly call out your first name when you get to this point.
14. If you think you have followed the directions carefully, call out LOUDLY "I have!"
15. Add: 1457 + 8950 =
16. Count backwards from 10 to 1 loud.
17. Write down all the even numbers on this page.
18. Say loudly, "I am nearly finished, and I have followed directions.
19. Draw a happy face here
20. Now that you have finished reading this sheet carefully, do only sentences one and two.

Hope you enjoyed...

Jan 8, 2011

More One Liners:- Well I'm back for a little bit, will be posting consistently so visit often :)

There are two kinds of people:- those that do the work, and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there.

An unemployed court jester is no one's fool.

There is a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it's not a train.

He who feels that he is too small to make a difference has never been bitten by a mosquito.

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

Where there's a will... I want to be in it.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

Marriages are made in heaven. But, again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes and hail.

A successful man makes more money than his woman can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?

The time to ensure that the toilet works is before you really need it.

Jan 13, 2010

One Liners - Some funny, some to get ya thinking...

I'm getting requests for more one-liners so here's a little something to keep you laughing. I put together this list from a bunch of random places including websites, my email and a cpl friends... Thank you guys for the interest in my blog, I've gotten nothing but positive reviews, Thank you!!

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life.
(unless I buy something)

Stupidity is not a handicap! Park elsewhere!

If aliens are smart enough to travel through space,
why do they keep abducting the dumbest people on earth?

If Noah had been smart he would have swatted those two flies.

No one ever says, "It's only a game." when their team is winning.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Children seldom mis-quote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

George washington said "We would have a black president when pigs fly!"... well, swine flu.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Girls are like roads, the more they curve, the more dangerous they are.

Who was the first to see a cow and think "I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"

Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye.

I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.

The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.

We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

Only in North America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

They call it "PMS" because "mad cow disease" was already taken.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

Only dead fish go with the flow.

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.

Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes.

If I'd shot you sooner, I'd be out of jail by now.

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Born Free... Taxed to Death

If at first you don't succeed...... you'll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn't succeed either.

Sex is like software: For every one who pays for it there are hundreds getting it for free.

Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.

Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

Bigamy: one wife too many.Monogamy: same thing

Clones are people two.

Jan 7, 2010


Found this one while scraping together some more one-liners for your enjoyment... Decided to post... Here Goes...


# Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
# Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?
# Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
# Ya' know... there's big money in kidneys... and this guy's got two of 'em.
# Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
# Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
# Damm! There go the lights again...
# What's this doing here?
# That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
# Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
# Sterile, schemerle. The floor's clean, right?
# What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change?
# OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
# This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
# Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
# Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
# Isn't this the guy with the really lousy insurance?

Dec 11, 2009

Jesus Knows You're Here

Got this one in an email today, it's not bad so here goes...

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,

'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard

'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, and then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

Nov 20, 2009

One Liners

Found another beautiful list of one-liners while surfing the net today, decided to post right away... Have fun...

 I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.

Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

When in doubt, mumble.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
You're never too old to learn something stupid.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?

Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Sep 24, 2009

Marriage made in Heaven.

Nice one...

One rainy Sunday afternoon, a young couple were on their way to their Church to get married. On the way there, their car lost control and slammed into a telephone pole – killing them both instantly.

The couple soon found themselves standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, welcoming them to Heaven. The young woman asks Peter if they could get married in Heaven, since their time on Earth was cut short. He replies that he’ll get back with them on that request.

A month later, St. Peter finds them and announces that they can – in fact – get married in Heaven. To his suprise, the woman asks “Just wondering, if things don’t work out will we be able to get a divorce?”

With a stern look in his eye, Peter blurts out

“Look lady, it took me a month to find a preacher up here… you really think I’m gonna find a lawyer?”

Will he Jump??

Lol, yea I found this one funny... Wouldn't know what to do if I had a bet with someone like that, probably bet him something everyday, lol, but then my good side won't allow it so... Anyways, here goes...

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on.

It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. “I’ll bet you $10 he’ll jump,” said the first guy. “Bet you $10 he won’t,” said the second guy. “Your on!”, he says.

Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge.

The second guy hands the first guy the money. “I can’t take your money,” said the first guy. “I cheated you. The same story was on the five o’clock news.”

“No, no. Take it,” said the second guy. “I saw the five o’clock news too. I just didn’t think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!”

Million Bucks

Found this one hilarious, well... funny, Here goes...

Two friends were in a bar drinking a beer when one pulled out a cigar but he didn’t have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one..

“I sure do,” he replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10 inch Bic lighter.

“Wow!” said his friend, “where did you get that monster.”

“I got it from my genie.”

“You have a genie?” he asked.

“Yes, he’s right here in my pocket.”

“Could I see him?”

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie.

The friend says, “I’m a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?”

“Yes I will,” the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into his master’s pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks.

About this time, a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in. Before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere. The friend tells his buddy, “What is going on here, I asked for a million bucks not ducks!”

He answers, “I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 10 inch Bic?”